October 7, 2008...11:47 pm

Restaurant puts non-Kikkoman soy sauce into Kikkoman bottle, creates nuclear holocaust

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Officials said today they had determined the cause of last month’s nuclear blast and are now linking the devastating explosion, which killed 15 million people and wiped out a huge swathe of the Eastern United States (includingkikkoman-soy-sauce-150ml-s Crumpton), to restaurant owner Harry Chung when he allegedly ignored the warning on the side of his Kikkoman soy sauce dispensers by refilling them with a cheaper-quality knock-off brand.

“The warnings to not refill those glass Kikkoman soy sauce bottles with anything other than Kikkoman-brand soy sauce are right there on the bottle for a reason,” said FEMA spokesperson Alfred Donaldson.  “It looks like a case of a restaurant owner trying to save money gone horribly wrong.”

It has been known for weeks that the epicentre of the devastation originated from Chung’s House of Chinese Food, but authorities had until now struggled to find the exact cause of the nuclear event.  It was only after investigators ruled out terrorism that they began looking into other possibilities.

“We assumed most restaurant owners were smart enough not to refill Kikkoman soy sauce bottles with anything other than Kikkoman-brand soy sauce so we didn’t immediately think to look at that as the cause,” said Donaldson, adding that it was a “damn shame” that people don’t take the warnings more seriously.

Kikkoman CEO Hiro Yamaguchi said that while he is deeply saddened by the tragedy, the company places the cautionary label on every Kikkoman soy sauce decanter to stop the type of irresponsible bottle-filling behaviour that was behind Friday’s horrific accident.

kikkoman

"Refill Only with Kikkoman"

“We cannot be held responsible when the consumer has been so clearly warned,” Yamguchi said.  “Look, when we first started selling our product 400 years ago, we were the only company in the world selling soy sauce.  But as other brands came to market and we realized there was a very small chance of there being devastating consequences to purchasing other soy sauces and putting them into our bottles, we made sure we made the danger clear to the public.”

“Maybe Mr. Chung never noticed the warning. Or maybe he just thought he could get away with it, play the odds and save a little cash,” said Donaldson.  “Whatever it was,  a lot of people are dead.”

In an attempt to prevent further soy sauce holocausts, Kikkoman has said they will work with governments to raise awarness.  Other measures will include making the warnings larger and more noticeable.

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